{"id":1339,"date":"2018-12-09T20:57:43","date_gmt":"2018-12-09T19:57:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.equoia.org\/?p=1339"},"modified":"2018-12-09T20:59:24","modified_gmt":"2018-12-09T19:59:24","slug":"the-end-of-cautiousness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.equoia.org\/en\/2018\/12\/09\/the-end-of-cautiousness\/","title":{"rendered":"The End of Cautiousness"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cDrive cautiously\u201d\u2026 this winter it will again be a frequently heard message in traffic information, unless if it were up to me. Don\u2019t we have to take into account circumstances like iciness anymore when we\u2019re on the road? Is this an invitation to recklessly do whatever we want? No, it isn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s all about the message that is given with \u2018cautiously\u2019, and to be more precise: it\u2019s about the mindset underneath \u2018cautious\u2019. When we used to take off for school on our bikes, the last words we heard when we left were: \u201cBe nice, learn well \u00e1nd be cautious!\u201d. Being a teen-ager before heading for the riding stables: \u201cBe cautious!\u201d. Every time we stepped into the car: \u201cDrive cautiously!\u201d.<\/p>\n

I never reflected upon it, it belonged to a range of rituals of our very motherly mother. What I probably heard most in these messages was the underlying love that created these rituals. Until working with horses made me aware of the actual message underneath \u2018cautious\u2019. I\u2019m never cautious anymore. And I advise everyone not to be it either.<\/p>\n

\"\"It\u2019s about what the message \u2018cautious\u2019 puts attention on. In the ritual messages mentioned above, \u2018cautiously\u2019 meant \u2018Make sure nothing bad will happen to you\u2019: make sure you don\u2019t have an accident, make sure you won\u2019t fall, make sure you won\u2019t get bitten nor kicked. First of all, \u2018be cautious\u2019 invites to avoid something, out of fear, which turns it into anything but a solution focused message. What exactly do you have to do to avoid an accident? To avoid falling? To avoid getting bitten or kicked? Next to that, nature doesn\u2019t understand \u2018not\u2019: if you don\u2019t want something, you actually put much attention to it (Don\u2019t think about a rabbit\u2026 What is the first thing that pops up in your mind?). And last but not least: fear puts noise on reality out of assumptions and interpretations. The message \u201cBe cautious!\u201d I heard when I took off to the riding stables, originated out of fear that horses bite, kick and bolt whenever they are frightened. The more I got caught up in horses\u2019 natural behaviour, the more those assumptions were refuted. Before a horse actually bites or kicks, it will give first subtle and then clear signals, unless there\u2019s trauma in the behaviour. And bolting? Horses take good care of their energy. Being flight animals, they can\u2019t afford to waste energy. Horses do what is needed, when it\u2019s needed, in the volume that is needed. A horse in balance will check whether fleeing is necessary. If it is: run! If not: stay.<\/p>\n

Looking at nature I can\u2019t find any examples of \u2018cautious\u2019<\/strong>: a monkey doesn\u2019t jump through a tree cautiously. That would mean that he would direct his attention to avoiding those branches that aren\u2019t strong enough, or that are too far apart from each other. In nature I also don\u2019t find many examples of reckless<\/strong> behaviour, being the opposite of cautious. After all, \u201cWhatever\u2019 is not a mindset that helps to survive in nature. Animals\u2019 natural state of being is alertness: their radar is constantly turned on, their attention 360\u00b0. Not out of \u2018making sure nothing bad will happen\u2019<\/em>, but out of \u2018paying attention to be able to do what is needed\u2019<\/em>. This is not caution, nor recklessness: this is thoroughness<\/strong>. Thoroughness is a mindset that really makes a difference. It starts from observation instead of from fear, it makes you look at opportunities and invites to undertake constructive action. A monkey jumping through a tree looks for branches that are<\/em> strong enough and estimates what distances he can<\/em> cover. A monkey jumping through a tree will do that thoroughly.<\/p>\n

Not only is \u201cBe cautious\u201d a message that \u2013 however well-meant \u2013 is given<\/em> out of fear, it also invites<\/em> towards fear, towards directing attention to potential danger. Is there a thorough alternative? Yes, there is. The message \u201cKeep it safe\u201d, for example. \u201cDrive safely\u201d directs attention to what to do<\/em> instead of to what to avoid<\/em>. If it were up to me, from now on \u201cDrive safely\u201d will be the message that is to be given in traffic reports. If it were up to me, from now on everyone will act thoroughly instead of recklessly or cautiously, also in communication.<\/p>\n

After all, also in communication we are too often reckless or cautious, causing messages to become respectively aggressive or invisible. Only thorough communication leads to unencumbered assertiveness. An example of cautious communication is \u201cIt would be nice if you might try it\u201d. The actual message is wrapped up a lot, possibly out of insecurity or to avoid snubbing the other. The reason actually doesn\u2019t matter, the result is that the real message is not clear: what exactly does the one who gives this message want? A recklessly given message could be: \u201cJust do this\u201d. This is a message which is thrown to the other rather than communicated. Especially through using \u2018just\u2019: the one who gives this message apparently assumes that the other of course has the same perspective as he has. What could be a thorough version of this message? \u201cThis mailing has to be sent today before 4pm, my question to you is to do this. What do you need in order to get this done?\u201d. Fact, expectation, check: these are some basic ingredients of thorough communication. Aggressive and cautious communication are reactive and I-oriented, thorough communication is unencumbered and leads towards genuine inter-action.<\/p>\n

\u201cBe cautious\u201d\u2026 My mother is the only one who still can say this to me, out of nostalgia for the loving rituals. Even she doesn\u2019t do this anymore, though. \u201cDrive safely\u201d is what she tells me with a kiss on my forehead every time I get back into the car. It is a new ritual, as loving as the old one, and with a much more constructive message.<\/p>\n

Next step: the traffic reports\u2026 To be continued!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\u201cDrive cautiously\u201d\u2026 this winter it will again be a frequently heard message in traffic information, unless if it were up to me. Don\u2019t we have to take into account circumstances like iciness anymore when we\u2019re on the road? Is this an invitation to recklessly do whatever we want? No, it isn\u2019t. It\u2019s all about the …","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[],"table_tags":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe End of Cautiousness - Equoia - training en coaching met ondersteuning van paarden<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.equoia.org\/en\/2018\/12\/09\/the-end-of-cautiousness\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The End of Cautiousness - Equoia - training en coaching met ondersteuning van paarden\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cDrive cautiously\u201d\u2026 this winter it will again be a frequently heard message in traffic information, unless if it were up to me. 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